Growin~With~Grace

A Season of Praise

2009-11-28T22:52:00.000-08:00

Wow, I haven’t blogged since EASTER! I look at those pics of Grace and Ella (two former orphans who now know the love of a family) and I feel all the emotions of what God has been doing in my heart welling up…

Want to hear more? This is a post that is a long time in coming…

Several weeks ago I was having an official pity party (actually I have had more than I want to admit over the past few months). I was tired (still am) and tiredness is often the gateway to self pity… I was home alone because Grace was spending the night at my sister’s house so I could go to my early class without having to wake her and I was laying in bed crying and praying and crying some more… I told God that I don’t know how I can do it, be a Mommy (not just a Mommy but a really dynamic Godly Mommy who fixes healthy meals so my daughter never has to struggle with her relationship with Christ or her weight like I have), be a student and get high enough grades in every class (including chemistry) to actually be able to get into the very competitive Dental Hygiene program, keep my house clean, find time for family and friends, and why did I gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose…. You get the idea. I was also really upset with God for making me such a passionate person and laying things on my heart that I can do nothing about and calling me to do things that are years out and I have to feel this heavy load of sadness that my hands are tied… Yadda yadda yadda. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning I arrived at school a bit early and had the rare opportunity to visit some of my favorite blogs before class. I “happened” across an older post on Carolyn’s blog which was a letter from a friend of hers http://twietconfetti.blogspot.com/2009/09/gift-from-god-today.html. Everything I had been questioning God about the night before was gently being answered by a woman whom I had never met nor even read her blog for that matter! Lol! I sat there with my lap top in front of me not even trying to hide the tears that streamed down my face as I read, I only wiped them when my vision got too blurry to read… God is good. Even when I am weary and have no idea what I will do if I do not get into the Dental Hygiene program, God is good, and He knows the plans for my life.

I have shared with many that I feel God is calling me to adopt again. This time from Ethiopia, and this time a little girl who is HIV+. It feels weird to say God is calling me… I am not saying He talked to me in a burning bush or anything like that, but I do have this unquenchable burning passion that I can not explain away. I want to be a Dental Hygienist so that I can afford to adopt again as well as have good working hours for a single Mom. I want to take one or two months off every year and volunteer with dental teams working with widows and orphans in countries like Ethiopia… I feel this PASSION! Yet it all seems so unattainable.

A couple weeks ago I thought that chemistry was going to keep me out of the program for sure and then I found out my grade was way better than I thought and my hope was renewed. Two days ago I got a letter in the mail telling me I had to turn in all my transcripts including those from when I went to college right out of high school. (I was previously told I did not have to use those) Well needless to say, grades from my younger years are going to destroy my current 3.87 GPA, so once again I am afraid I will not be able to get into the program… This roller coaster is KILLING me!

In the midst of all of it God continues to calm my spirit. I have been praying that God will help me leave all these things in His hands… I have also been praying for whoever this little girl will be… I know that I will not be financially ready to adopt again until Grace is 7 or 8 but just the same I have been praying about a name for this special little girl who will become a part of our family. Grace’s name is full of meaning as she is definitely an unmerited gift from God. Gracelyn JoAnn, the lyn from my sister Lynda and JoAnn after my Mom, two amazing people in my (and Grace’s) life. So what name would be equally as special for my new daughter? I know that to most of you it sounds crazy but I wanted my daughter to have a name even though I will not even meet her for a few years!

On November 14th during Saturday night worship service we were singing a song (can’t even remember which one) but the word PRAISE kept hitting me…. Praise that is IT! Her name will be Praise =) Then the doubt set it, it is an odd name and I don’t want her to have a weird name. I hopped on Face Book that night and was led to another of Carolyn’s friends whom I have never met and a video of their daughter adopted from Ethiopia named PRAISE! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05sLbo-5x40&feature=player_embedded Such an ADORABLE video!!! So she won’t be the only Praise out there =) Now for a middle name… I will shorten this storey and just tell you… Her name is Stacey Praise and we will call her Praise… What a beautiful name and I know Stacey would be so pleased to have a precious child from Ethiopia named after her. So for my friend who lived a life of praise I will name my daughter Stacey Praise.

Now that she has a name, my prayers for her have become even more fervent. I don’t completely understand why it has worked that way but it has. Thanksgiving became a day of mixed emotions for me as I played with Grace and watched her enjoy time with our family. She got more hugs than one could count, she laughed hysterically as G-Ma gave her horsy rides, and of course there was an abundance of food all day! Grace had a WONDERFUL day =) My mind kept wondering back to Stacey Praise… If she comes to us as a 5 to 7 year old when Grace is about eight then she has already been born. Is she already an orphan or does she have a family? Does she have enough food? Is anyone hugging her? I prayed for one daughter as I delighted in the other…

God continues to work in my heart… I just need to trust that He is in control and will use me (even me) to accomplish His will

I hope your Holiday season is truly the best ever! As you thank God for sending His son, and as you sing praises to Him with your family and give a prayer of thanks, if you think of it, please also pray for a little girl, a little girl named Praise…

HAPPY EASTER!!!

2009-04-12T18:29:00.002-07:00

My Mommy makes me do all messy projects in the buff...

Are yellow eggs bad like yellow snow Mommy?

Please do not attempt this at home, I am a professional!

Am I cute or what?

My BFF, Ella, wore a coordinating outfit with my own (totally unplanned), I guess great minds think alike! We were both considering wearing pastels when we saw red and white dresses, at which point we both realized it was PERFECT for Easter, because Jesus died on the cross and His blood washes our hearts white as snow... I just love having a BFF who understands me, thinks like me, and looks absolutely fabulous in my favorite color too! I hope your Easter was as fun as mine and I hope you know that Jesus loves you so much, He died for you... AND THE TOMB IS EMPTY BECAUSE HE LIVES!!!!! Happy Easter!

Grace

~I WONDER...~

2009-02-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

I saw this on the internet and just had to share, because it is such a beautiful picture of our Abba Father (Daddy) as well as the wonderful gift of adoption. (Both mine as His child, and for all of us who are blessed with an adopted child of our very own...)

10 DAYS ... AND I WONDER ...
This was written by another adoptive parent ... this family is 10 days away from meeting their sons.

I wonder...when it was 10 days before I met God and He adopted me, was HE this excited?

I wonder if His stomach did flips and He got tears in His eyes when He thought about holding me for the first time.

I wonder if His heart ached when He thought about my life without Him as my Daddy.

I wonder if it grieved Him to know that I was living as an orphan and had no hope of a future without Him.

I wonder if He was as okay with paying my ransom as I am with paying our boys'.

I wonder if, for Him, there was no cost too high, no sacrifice too great.

I wonder...

One Of My Favorite People ~ And Grace's Too! =)

2009-01-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

Today Nathan Taylor got his driver's license. A very proud moment for any teenager and even cooler because his parents got him a truck for his birthday! Well of all the places this handsome young man could have driven to on his first night out on the town, he honored Grace and I with a visit. ;) Yup, the first to see this newly licensed driver as he took his truck out on her maiden voyage was little o'l me!

Of course Grace was not at all excited to see the tiny paper with Nathan's picture on it that he carried in his wallet.... SHE JUST LOVES NATHAN! (Whom she refers to as her boyfriend....) Sorry to all you young ladies out there, because I think Nathan is equally as smitten with Grace... Of all the places he could have been tonight, he was playing barbies and dress up with Gracie!

After a few rounds of "tickle wrestling" Grace sports her wild child hair do and purple princess dress, while Nathan accessorized with a pink chiffon princess skirt...

After playing barbies, dress up, eating ice-cream and watching the movie "Cars", Nathan went out to stir up some trouble with kids his own age. We are just glad that he is not too cool to still hang out with us once in awhile too!

2009 RESOLUTION

2009-01-02T10:26:00.001-08:00

As I sit and reflect on 2008 I am humbled by my lack of faith... It seems that whenever I am faced with a problem or challenge, I WANT ANSWERS NOW!

From job, school, and finances to friendships and even a cancer scare... I have a really, really hard time leaving it in God's hands. To say I struggle with this would be putting it way too lightly. As I look back over 2008, I can see that God had His hand on these things the whole time. While much is still not resolved, I have to admit that I can see God there through it all. So why do I worry and fret? Why do I try to "fix" things when God is not going fast enough to suit me?

The scarey thing is, that I am a lot better than I used to be!

For 2009, I want to work on my faith. Sheesh it scares me to even write that, for fear that God will give me even more challenges! lol!

I want to trust that God truly does want me to live an abundant life, full of peace and joy. I want to trust that God will provide and take care of the details... (O.K. I just let out a heavy unbelieving sigh... That is not a good sign!)

I really want to live with Jesus as my BEST FRIEND, the one I turn to FIRST, the one I can't wait to talk to and spend time with...

I guess for 2009 I want a revival in my soul. Can that be a resolution or goal? Hmmmm.... Well whatever label one wants to put on it, that is what I want more than anything.

~My Snow Angel~

2008-12-18T18:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas Game and Great Conversation!

2008-12-13T15:27:00.001-08:00

Christmas Meme
A little Christmas time questionnaire...

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Can I have Egg Nog in my Hot Chocolate? =) I love them both but usually enjoy them separately. Have you tried Starbucks Egg Nog Latte'? YUMMY!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? We have not really done Santa at our house, but if we did we would call him Auntie Lynda! She gives Grace about 20 really nice gifts during November and December because I have told her she can't overload Grace with gifts for Christmas because that is not what Christmas is about... One of these days Grace is going to figure out Auntie Lynda's sneaky ways around Mommy's rules!

3. Colored lights on house/tree or white? I like both looks as long as there are LOTS and LOTS of lights!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Hmmm, I am afraid it would not get much action at my house.

5.When do you put your decorations up? This year, they all went up on November 20th... I get a little excited to start the Christmas season... =)

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? That is awfully strict to exclude dessert... I would have to say candied yams, (yes I know, it is very dessert like, but it is served with the meal so it still counts!)

7.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I have an older sister and brother who made sure I never remember actually believing in Santa. HOW RUDE!

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Not usually

9. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Lots of fun and special ornaments. I am so excited to finally have some that Grace made and I look forward to adding lots more every year! ;)

10. Snow. Love it or dread it? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! =)

11. Can you ice skate? When I was a kid we would skate on frozen ponds in Minnesota and Michigan and I did quite well, thank you very much! The last time I went, I mostly held on to the wall, (usually with both hands!).

12. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pumpkin pie and Pecan Pie, one large slice of each please, but hold the whip cream cuz I am on a diet!

13. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I LOVE giving gifts! With money tight this year it is really killing me...

14. What is your favorite Christmas song? I wish I could remember the song by Avalon that I use to make my friend Julee play over and over... Anyway, now I will have to try to find it cuz I just remembered how much I LOVE it! ;)

15. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck? YUMMY! Funny story, one year at my Mom's house they hung lots of candy canes on the tree. One day my sister and I noticed this large "candy cane free" area on the tree. Then we realized that it was the area my mom could reach from her recliner.... TOO FUNNY! So for fun my sister went out and bought like 10 boxes of candy canes and hung them all on the tree so my Mom would not run out! ;) You could say, I got my love of candy canes from my Mom. And I have already passed the addiction on to Grace!

16. Do you attend an annual Christmas party? No, but I am looking forward to the one Jill is going to start having... LOL! Love ya Jill!

17. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ's? After the Christmas Eve service it is straight into PJ's, I need loose pants to accommodate all the goodies!

18. Do you own a Santa hat? No, but I sure think they are cute! ;)

19. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? Family, usually at my parents' or at my Sister-in-laws'.

O.K. now for a great conversation I had with my daughter yesterday.

Grace: Mommy, smell my fingers.

Mommy: Ewww gross! Did you scratch your bottom?

Grace: No, (smelling her own fingers) kinda smells like poo poo.

Mommy: Why do your fingers smell like poop?

Grace: Oh, I just touchin that yucky o'l poo poo in the toilet.

I run to the bathroom expecting to find an awful mess...

WHEW! Clean and toilet flushed.

Mommy: Did you poop in the toilet and touch your poop?

Grace: Yup

Mommy: Well don't do that any more, that is gross.

Grace: It not gross, it disgusting!

Lots of soap and watermelon scented hand sanitizer and she was good as new! =)

Thing 1 & Thing 2

2008-10-31T21:10:00.001-07:00

Well today did not start out well as Grace has had a fever off and on for the 2nd day in a row. We stayed home in hopes that some good rest would help her feel better so she would not miss all the days festivities. (She missed her Halloween Party at pre-school) She still had a fever but seemed in good spirits so I thought I would try an hour or so at the church harvest party, (after all, Thing 2 would have been very lonely without her buddy...)

Jill (Ella's Mommy) and I thought Thing 1 & 2 outfits would be perfect for our duo, and boy were we right! These little munchkins were so hyper and all over the place it was VERY hard to even get a decent pic of both of them at the same time!

Ella was able to sit about two seconds longer than Grace... ;)

I had to include this photo of Grace just after she gave Ella a big shove... For no apparent reason, other than Ella was there.... Such a sweet girl, don't ya think! ;)

OFF FOR THE RACES! ;)

Awwww, they really do adore eachother!

"Daddy Ron" helps Gracie get TWO hole in ones and win a stuffed turtle! (No that is not a cigarette, just her third sucker!) ;)

Ella was the big winner in the GIANT CANDY BAR WALK!

After about an hour we went back downstairs to rest with friends before heading home. Grace was sitting at the table with her sucker and kool-aid, when she let us all know the evening was truly over by puking on the table... I know I am a horrible Mommy for taking my sick daughter out in the first place, but please remember, she is my first and only child and I just could not bear having her miss such a fun night! Would you believe there are so many more reasons why I will never win Mother of the Year? Oh well! ;)

I want to give a VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to AUNTIE LYNDA for making the wigs for Grace and Ella! The outfits were adorable and a HUGE hit! Thank you Lynda for all your hard work and for being the BESTEST AUNTIE EVER!!!!

At the Pumpkin Patch with my Punkin

2008-10-20T10:33:00.001-07:00

Starting our adventure with a nutritious lunch.....

Grace loved the straw pile more than anything else at the pumpkin patch!

Especially when she had a straw fight with G-Ma! (G-Ma started it!!!) ;)

Grace and Mommy

Grace chose the smallest most pathetic, bruised pumpkin she could find, to take home. When we went to purchase the pumpkin, the cashier took one look at the little, almost rotten, white pumpkin in my daughter's hand and said, "Oh, I can't charge you for that..." Those of you who know my daughter, know she seems to LOVE the unlovely. (Which will serve her well in the future!)

Grace also LOVES to do pretty much everything opposite of how she knows she is supposed to...

Need I say more?

We had a great time at the pumpkin patch with G-Ma and Papa. What you did not see besides the hot dog and ice cream was, the Carmel apple, chocolate covered gummy bears, and gallon of fresh squeezed cider that my parents bought for Grace. A 3 year old child coming down off of a sugar high is NOT a pretty sight. But I must say, the memories were well worth it! =)

I am still alive... barely

2008-10-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

O.K. so maybe the "barely" in my title is a slight exaggeration, but I am so pooped! Between work, school, being a Mommy and working on Judgement House I am really wiped. I am still trying to find the balance and I must admit I am floundering.

I have been reading every one's blogs, but most of the time I am too tired to comment. I do like to keep up on your lives and have been encouraged many times by your posts. I won't be posting much, just due to my hectic schedule, but I wanted you to know that I do my best to read yours, so I can pray specifically for you and be encouraged by you as well... =)

On another note...

Today while singing with Grace's class I just had to laugh as Grace sang the "ipsy dipsy spider"!

Grace is amazing at tracing. She came home with a couple of work sheets where she had traced circles and squares and they were done so well that I just assumed she had lots of "help" from her teacher. After dinner tonight I gave her a couple of color pages that had shapes to trace because I wanted to see how she really did. I was so impressed! I guess her teacher did not help her after all!

Grace is doing really well with her preschool work and Mommy can't be shown up, so into my 3rd week of school, I am pulling a 4.0! =) (just on a side note, my grades will never be posted again) LOL!

O.K. I was not going to post this but I am so tired, my good reasoning skills are not at their best...

I still take baths with my daughter about once or twice a week. Grace loves taking baths with Mommy and it is a very bonding time. She washes my hair no less than 6 times and chides me as she dumps water on my head, "you are fine, it is just water." Hmmm. I do say those words to her, but I am not dumping buckets of water over her head and certainly not up her nose!

Anyway, the other night when we were bathing, I let her know that I was going to get out and she could play for a few more minutes. I stood up and my sweet daughter wailed, "Mommy, you made all the water go away!!!" I am seriously considering taking offense to that!

First Day Of Pre-School

2008-09-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Grace and I both had our first day of pre-school today. All in all it went pretty well. Grace had a couple of melt downs when she saw me with my class of kindergartners, but by the end of the day she was doing great. With a little more time I am sure it won't be as hard on her (or me). Here are a few pics of Grace's big day...

Trying to figure out how to hold a back pack AND a lunch box

O.K., now she is all situated and ready for school! =)

Grace sure looks short next to her peers! (Don't worry, she makes up for it in ATTITUDE!) ;)

Dancing with her class. The boy in the background was actually a great techno dancer!

Grace on the other hand just ran around in circles squealing.

(Must have gotten her dancing skills from Mommy) ;)

Now she is ready to take on the world!

(Which I am fine with, as long as she doesn't cross the street...) ;)

Big Day Tomorrow

2008-09-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I start my new job with the Boys & Girls Club in Pasco, right next to CBC where I will be taking courses to get my Early Childhood Education degree. I will be co-teaching in the Kindergarten room. My shift will be a split shift to allow for college classes that start next week. I am very happy about the new position and their willingness to be so flexible with my schedule every term so I can take the classes I need.

Grace also starts her first day of pre-school/day care tomorrow. God totally had His hand in all of this and I will be working just one classroom over from where Grace will be. I am very thankful that God cares about even the smallest details of my life. I must admit I am still very sad to not be staying home with Grace, the change is going to be hard on both of us. I know that I chose this when I adopted as a single Mom. I knew ahead of time that working full time was not going to be a choice, and I would not change my decision for anything in the world... but, it is still hard. Please keep Grace and I in your prayers as we make this transition. Please pray that I will not only be thankful that God cares about the details of my life, but that I will also actually TRUST Him with them...

~OLD HABITS DIE HARD~

2008-09-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

My daughter Grace is very attached to her Blankie (Bppplp Dee) and her Pillow (Pudoh). I wish I could spell what she calls her Blankie, but if you have heard her say it, then you understand why I can not spell it! ;)

Anyway, Grace has done really well with using these items only when we are at home, or the baby sitters, or in the car... She does not carry them around in the store or at church etc. (My choice not hers, but she still does well) Since she will be going to a new pre-school type daycare this fall, I have been working with her on not using her blankie and pillow around the house, and only at bed time or in the car. We make a big deal about putting them away in her froggy laundry basket when she gets up and taking them out only when it is time to go back to bed.

Well, after lunch the other day I was cleaning up the kitchen and Grace went to play in her room. When I went to check on her, this is what I found...

Her Blankie and Pillow are still in the basket!

What a good girl!!!!

;)

~Mommy's Little Baker~

2008-08-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready for my good friend Lisa to come up with her 3 kids. She will be spending 3 days with us and Grace and I are really looking forward to it! Tonight I decided to bake some cookies and throw them in the freezer, to have on hand for all the kiddos. Grace was a big helper!

I don't have any step stools tall enough to accommodate my daughter...

Grace loves cookie dough, just like her Momma!

Carefully putting in the fork print.

(We just did one way, we will go for the criss-cross when she is 5!)

The proud baker!

Pretty good, if I do say so myself!!!

~HAD TO SHARE~

2008-08-26T16:17:00.000-07:00

I just love this post by Carolyn. Read Here It really tugged at my heart strings. What a beautiful picture of God's love for us, as well as an example of the fears older orphans face...

What do you think?

RED ALERT! ~ Baby Growing Too Fast!

2008-08-22T18:24:00.001-07:00

RED ALERT! ~ Baby Growing Too Fast!

On Monday my parents brought over a Big Girl bed for Grace. Yes my daughter has been in a crib for 3 years. She has never once tried to get out and I never had any problem with her staying in the crib until she was 5, but the new bed and her crib would not both fit in her room… So, I packed away her crib. When I put all the bolts into a baggy I realized I was not ready for this as I labeled the baggy BABY CRIB in black sharpie marker. I mean seriously, what other kind of crib would it be? I got a little choked up as I sealed the bag…

Then, on Wednesday night at church when she got tired of hanging around while I was visiting… She looked up at me with a look of sheer boredom, hand on hip and said, “Mom, can I go see my teachers now?” O.K. so I know my daughter displays her “pre-teen” attitude quite often so that did not surprise me. What surprised me was the complete sentence and referring to her teachers as teachers! What she would normally say is, “I go chutch, see Miss Henwy?” Or “I go pway toys, see Baby Edda?”

Those of you who know my daughter well, know that her large motor skills are slightly behind her peers. OK, maybe really behind if you compare her to Ella, who the Chinese wanted to use in their Olympics this year, but could not pass her off as 16! Anyway, on Thursday morning Grace ran to the bathroom climbed up her step stool and got on the potty ALL BY HERSELF! She has been potty trained for quite some time, but has never been able to master getting on the potty herself.

Then just one day later folks, which is today, she is now climbing on the potty, WIPING, getting off the potty and pulling up her own panties! My only consolation is that my daughter is so short she needs two step stools stacked on top of each other to reach the toilet and also needs her potty seat insert in place or she would fall right in. (Hey, I will take whatever comfort I can find right now.)

If I had known putting her in a big girl bed was going to start this domino effect, I would have left her in her crib until I was good and ready for her to grow up!!! ;)

Thanks Todd!

2008-08-22T17:36:00.000-07:00

Grace's God-Daddy is not only the bestest God-Daddy EVER, he also takes great pics! Todd took some pics of Grace for her 3rd birthday, to help me avoid studio fees. Grace was not an easy subject, as she is not one that likes to be told to sit and pose a certain way or to smile on queue... I know what most of you are thinking... "Oh no, NOT sweet little Gracie!" LOL! Yup my daughter was in true to herself form, but Todd was still able to get some great pics. ;)

I have another post I am working on about my little peanut so stay tuned! ;)

25th Post~Thankful List

2008-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

For my 25th post I decided to write 25 things I am thankful for. =)

1. First of all of course, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

2. My daughter Grace. I have truly never experienced a love as deep as what resides in my heart for my daughter.

3. Adoption. First my adoption into The Kings family, as His daughter and heir to His kingdom. And second how God uses the adoption of Grace to give me a little glimpse of His love for me.

4. Past hurts. I can see God using the hurts in my past to shape me into a much more loving, compassionate, humble person. I know I have a long ways to go, but I am so glad that God chooses to use the stormy times in our lives and does not just say, what is done is done, now lets move on.

5. My family, even as dysfunctional as they are… My family has stood by me in good times and bad. They have always been there to help whenever I have needed them and I am truly blessed by them in so many ways.

6. Old friends that have stood by me. I must say that true friends are very hard to come by, and that is not a bad thing. The friends God has blessed me with have had a profound impact on my life. Some of my old friends, I do not see or talk to as often as I would like, because life happens and we can only fit so much into one day… But these friends are the ones that you can just pick up where you left off and you both know that the love has always been there.

7. New friends. God has really blessed me with new friendships since Grace and I have moved to the Tri-Cities. I am so thankful for each of them and I am looking forward to the day when they will be part of my old friends list… =)

8. My sister Lynda. I know I already said family, but Lynda deserves her own line. She has been there for me in so many ways and she has seen me at my absolute worst, grumpiest, meanest, ugliest times and she still loves me. Not everyone can say they have a sister like that! ;)

9. My Sunday School teacher. I have learned more from Jean’s Bible studies on Sunday morning than in any other Bible class. Jean has the gift of teaching and a true passion for God’s word.

10. My daughter’s Sunday school teacher. Miss Pat loves the children in her class and she loves teaching them about Jesus. I have had the opportunity to help in her class a couple of times and I am just amazed at how she is so gentle and sweet and patient. Miss Pat sees teaching her 2 year old class about Jesus as just as important as the pastor’s sermon, and so do I! =) Miss Pat also came by our house to personally give Grace a birthday gift and she has sent her post cards too. (If Grace had a thankful list, I know Miss Pat would be way up at the top!)

11. Wednesday night church dinner. It is cheap, usually quite tasty and I get to eat with other adults, which is a nice.

12. My apartment complex pool. Great FREE summer fun!

13. Living so close to the river and its fabulous parks. Grace and I spend lots of time enjoying the river and Howard Amon Park.

14. Taco Bell drive through and the 79 cent menu…

15. Ice cold Diet Mt Dew. Cheaper than Starbucks and just as satisfying! =) (although I am not so sure it will taste as good hot when the weather gets cold…)

16. Bubble baths. I love a nice long soak in a really hot bubble bath all by myself! (I also enjoy luke warm bubble baths taken with my daughter, but they are not near as relaxing.)

17. Sitting snuggled up with Grace reading book, after book, after book…

18. Curled up in my own bed reading my own novel (Currently reading through The last Jihad series which is very good!)

19. Bath and Body Works Plumeria lotion and body spray. It has been my favorite for years and I am truly thankful for it… =)

20. My car that runs well and seats 8. Many great memories in that car… especially when I have had my friend’s wild teenagers with me!

21. Candles. I love having candles lit all the time but hot Tri-City weather prevents me from lighting them in the summer. I am looking forward to cooler temperatures so I can light my candles and enjoy their ambiance and aroma… MMMM.

22. Cookie dough. Tastes best eaten right out of the bowl with friends while watching movies. =)

23. Pedicures. I love a good pedicure and foot massage. (Who doesn’t?) I don’t get them very often, which makes me appreciate them all the more when I do! =)

24. Those little elastic belt things on the inside of toddler pants. I know pretty random, but I went to put a pair of pants on Grace today and that thing had broke, which made me realize how much I like them!

25. Last but not least… All my bloggy friends. Some I know personally and many others I may never meet until we get to heaven. I am thankful for each one of you and I have enjoyed getting to know you. I appreciate how each of you has challenged me in many ways and taught me some great life lessons. Thank you for being honest and letting me have a peak inside your lives…

HIV(+) On My Mind...

2008-08-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend Carolyn that I "met" in bloggy world and she has really opened my eyes to (as they say) a whole new world... (Insert Aladdin music here) =)

I have had my heart changed in an amazing way toward those suffering with HIV. Especially mother's and children in places like Ethiopia, where medical intervention is not an option. Countries where mother's helplessly hold their suffering children and watch them waste away until death mercifully takes them away. I am truly sick that such a thing not only exists but is the "norm" for millions of people.

Please check out Carolyn's blog and keep her and her family in your prayers. I can not get Carolyn and her beautiful Selah off my mind, which is a good thing because I pray for them often that way. It also makes me ask God what I can do, why has He laid this on my heart in such a profound way...

I look at the pictures of sweet Selah and I want to hug her and kiss her. I want to let Grace hug her and kiss her and show little Selah that God has truly changed my heart and He has used her and her Momma to do it...

So go ahead and read with your heart wide open... I DARE YA! ;)

VBS Comes to a Close...

2008-08-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well today was the last day of VBS and I am EXHAUSTED, but very happy with the way things went. It was a really great week with lots of fun memories, but even more important, life changing experiences. Everyone who was there during the invitation time will know what I think was one of the most amazing moments of VBS. A young boy who has been adopted into a family of 11 siblings was adopted into the family of God today. Today Song became my little brother. ;) He went forward during the invitation and was crying so loud the whole auditorium could hear him. I had tears streaming down my face and dripping off my chin, as his obvious yearning for Jesus was so touching. I noticed that all of the teachers near me were wiping tears as well... ;) I was so happy for Song because he has had so many hardships in his young life and God brought him here to live in a loving, (and did I mention HUGE) multi-international, Christian family. Song has seen God working miracle after miracle in his life and in the lives of his siblings, and today he said, "I want Him to be my savior." It was so beautiful and I was dancing right there along with the angels!!! =)

Song asking Jesus into his heart

Song singing to Jesus as a new creation... A NEW SONG!

Khaliana ~ God's Beautiful Princess

One of the girls in my class this week that really captured my heart was Khaliana. Khaliana, means beautiful and her middle name (which I can’t remember) means princess. I got a chance to talk with Khaliana today about salvation and she stated she already had asked Jesus in her heart. I told her that since she had Jesus in her heart than she really is a beautiful princess because she is a daughter of The King. It was so cool to watch this huge smile fill her face when I told her that!

And another Princess in our class... Jamie! (I know those of you who had the opportunity to get to know Jamie will appreciate this pic!) ;)

1st grade girls getting ready for their singing debut... I love this pic of Eva, it is SO EVA! (and it shows off her adorable dimples too) =)

So VBS may be over, but the lives God has changed will glorify Him for all eternity... What an amazing thing to be a part of! ;)

Vacation Bible School and Future Goals

2008-08-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

O.K. so VBS is this week and two days into it I am already questioning if I should really pursue my teaching degree.

Let me explain.

First of all VBS is only 3 hours long, and I am not a lead teacher, just a helper. There are 3 of us leaders and about 20 1st grade girls and we take them to different activities led by multiple other leaders. I am EXHAUSTED! If I become a teacher I would have more than 20 kids, I would be in charge, with no helpers, and the school day would last about 7 hours. YIKES!

I also have a couple of stories that may explain why I hesitate getting my teaching degree...

A 1st grade girl approached me with her hand clenched in a tight fist and asked, "Do you have a tissue or somthin?" I replied, "Not on me. Why do you need one.?" She answered, "Well I've been pickin my boogers..." at which point she opens her clenched fist to reveal several slimy boogers covering the palm of her hand.

Need I say more?

O.K. one more.

We are learning several songs with the kids that require us to memorize not only words but motions to every song. Those of you who know me well, know that I can not even keep a beat much less incorporate complicated motions to songs I don't know. Anyway, while we were in music class we were watching Pastor Wells to learn the motions and reading the words that appeared on the wall behind him. I was concentrating so hard and trying to do both tasks at the same time, when I inadvertently poked myself in the eye! SHHEEESH THAT HURT!

I truly do not know if I am cut out for this! ;)

Happy Birthday Grace!

2008-08-02T16:05:00.000-07:00

The Princess awaits her royal subjects!

Grace loves playing tag on the toy structure =)

Getting ready to sing Happy Birthday

With all this candy, it is hard to wait!

Evie, really gets into her sidewalk chalk art!

Digging in! ;)

Well the party was VERY fun. Grace had a great time and is currently into the third hour of her nap! Thank you so much to everyone who came and helped make Grace's day so special.

Party Preparations

2008-08-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

Grace's birthday party is tomorrow and I must admit that I am more excited than she is. She has never been to a birthday party before (besides her own 1st birthday) so she is not quite sure what to expect. We will be going to a little wading pool for her party so I decided to make a pool theme cake. Wow! It was way more work than I expected but I had fun and Grace really likes the idea of having candy on her birthday cake. I also have been buying used doll house pieces and found a great deal on two doll houses. I got those out tonight after she went to bed and cleaned them up. She will have a fun surprise to wake up to in the morning! (Mostly so she will have something to do while I am getting everything ready for her party...) Anyway, so I thought I would post a couple of pics and I will post more after her party. ;)

A Day At The Park

2008-07-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Grace and I spent a few hours at the river today. It was so nice and sunny! There was an art festival going on so we browsed though some neat exhibits and I did some “people watching” ;) Art exhibits attract some very interesting people! I even saw this really weird dude who could not quit smiling at Grace… Oh, wait, that was Pastor Wells… =) Anyway, it was really fun and relaxing. Grace loved splashing around in the wading pool, (getting Mommy drenched in the process) and of course her bubble gum flavored snow cone was a big hit!

~I Miss My Friend~

2008-07-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

Together at Grace's 1st Birthday

I have been thinking of Stacey a lot lately... I guess for many reasons, but the main thing is, I miss my friend.

So many things are happening in my life right now (and a lot is not happening for that matter), that I would love to talk with Stac about. I have had several dreams that I am talking to her and telling her just every day type stuff, or asking her opinion on big matters. In my dreams I always know she is gone, but it is like God has allowed us to talk, one last time, because He knows it is important.

I think lately it has been because Grace's birthday is coming up and I wish that Stacey and her beautiful daughter Peyton were going to be here to celebrate with us. Stacey and I spent a lot of time talking about how our daughters would grow up together and how we wanted to make lots of memories with them so they could look back and remember when they were kids and the crazy things their mommies would do...

I read on another blog about an article that Tony Snow wrote before he died of cancer. I have no idea how to do those linky things to another blog, so if you want to read the whole thing you can go to Jill's blog and link on her friends blog called "Praise and Coffee". Anyway the whole article is fabulous but one paragraph really stuck out for me because it totally reminded me of Stac.

When Jesus was faced with the prospect of crucifixion, he grieved not for himself, but for us. He cried for Jerusalem before entering the holy city. From the Cross, he took on the cumulative burden of human sin and weakness, and begged for forgiveness on our behalf.

Now before you think that I am comparing Stacey's death to that of Jesus, let me explain... Just before Stac died, she was sent home from the hospital with Hospice. She knew that her time left was very short. What she did with that time was absolutely amazing. She took the time to speak to the people who were dear to her, each one, individually. We all came away from it changed forever, simply because of her love. Just like Jesus, Stacey was more concerned about us than herself. She had things she wanted to say, and boy did she have her say!!! Stacey reprimanded me for things that I needed to change in my life, she encouraged me to grow in my faith and to follow Christ with my whole heart. She also shared things with me that I will probably never tell anyone, not because she told me not to, but because I feel it is a special, personal gift, from her to me... The point is, Stacey knew her time here was done, she knew death may be painful and scary, she knew she would not get to do all the things she wanted to before she died, that God's plan was different than what she would have chosen... She used the very short time she had left to pray for those she loved so dearly. She wanted us to use our time here wisely, because in the big picture, we all have a very short time left.

I know that I will think of Stacey often over the next several weeks, especially on Grace's birthday. I don't ever want to forget that my time here is very short, whether I die tomorrow or 50 years from now. I am so thankful that Stacey used her time wisely, so much so that when I read about what Jesus did, it reminds me of her.

Mr. Frog

2008-07-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I just found out along with Jamie and several others that my blog is at an elementary grade reading level... Which makes me kind of chuckle because Eli and Nathan always gripe that my posts are too long and too hard to read... (Sorry guys, but I'm just sayin!) ;p

So in honor of my elementary score, I would like to know how many of my readers have fed my frog. Come on, I know you are out there!

So have you?

Did it take you awhile to figure it out?

Come on, you can be honest, most of the youth are away at camp, so chances are they will never know... =)

Dreams of Yuppie Status~Short Lived

2008-07-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

I went grocery shopping this afternoon to pick up some things for a 4th of July BBQ over at the Crowder’s. Well, I decided to go all out and shop at the local “Yuppie Mart” (Yoke’s) instead of my normal Wal-Mart trip. I reasoned that the last several times I have bought produce at Wal-Mart it has not been very good and the Crowder family deserves nothing but the very best! ;) So I donned my dressiest flip flops and made sure my shirt had no visible bleach marks or stains. I put Grace in an adorable little sun outfit and put fresh ponytails in her hair. We were all set for Yuppie Mart! ;) I soon found myself slowly browsing though every single aisle, marveling at the clean floors, organized shelves and even an olive bar where I could choose from literally dozens of different olives I had never heard of, for only $9.99 a pound! Grace was not nearly as impressed as her Mommy was, and started whining that she wanted to go “bye bye”. (Something she would never do at Wal-Mart, where she only whines to go see the toys!) Well, I got frustrated with my uncultured daughter and told her to stop whining and look at the Mango Ginger Cheese for only $30 a pound! She wasn’t having any part of my highfaluting ways, and continued to whine. As I was walking with head held high, shoulders squared, through the health food section of Yuppie Mart, my daughter vomited all over the beautiful shiny yuppie floors… I stood aghast as disgusting horrid chunks spewed out of my little girls face and all my dreams of shopping with the upper crust of Tri-Cities lay in a smelly mess on the polished floor and dripped off the shiny silver cart. I quickly collected myself, hailed an employee to let her know there had been a “spill” on aisle 7 and rushed my daughter to the bathroom to clean her up. After taking off her adorable outfit, (getting barf on her ponytails in the process), I wiped off my own shirt as best I could… I suddenly realized... that when your kid throws up in a store, there is a whole lot less mess for the Mommy to clean up. =) Now I faced a new dilemma. Do I go through the line and purchase the items in my cart or do I just leave the cart? (After all, the cream cheese was on sale for only 99 Cents and that is even cheaper than Wal-Mart. Yes, this thought actually went through my mind. Don’t judge me.) So I waltzed though the check out in my wet shirt, with my slightly disheveled daughter who was wearing nothing but sandals and faded Little Mermaid Underwear.

Unfortunately my baby girl is still not feeling well and has thrown up at home too. I was actually wishing for the embarrassment of Yuppie Mart, when I was on my hands and knees cleaning the carpet in my bedroom. =( It is now almost midnight and Grace is watching a movie on Mommy’s bed. Notice the beach towel covering my bed and handy barf bucket near by, “just incase”

My next shopping trip will be to Wal-Mart, where most of the kids (and parents for that matter) look like they recently barfed, and the floors are already dirty ;)

Praising God in Idaho

2008-06-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well, we are still here in Idaho visiting with family. My Aunt and Uncle that we are staying with for most of our trip have been very gracious and done a great job of making sure Grace and I are not only comfortable but overfed, offering us food (mostly sweets) at least every 90 minutes. My Uncle has many, many health problems and does not care to monitor his diet to help with his diabetes, high blood pressure and congestive heart failure. So needless to say he takes a lot of medication. All of this to lead up to the storey behind this post's title.

Grace got into Uncle Bill's medication, (which he left open on the end table in his room). Aunt Bev walked into her room and saw her with a perscription bottle in her little hands. Grace immediately put the opened bottle back on the end table and had a very guilty look on her face. Bev asked to see inside her mouth and Grace was scared and would not open up. Aunt Bev hollered for me and quickly explained the situation. I dropped to my knees and told Grace to open her mouth. Empty. No sign of anything blue (the color of the pills) touching her tongue. I asked her, did you eat any of these? She nodded her head yes and said "My candy." I felt my heart drop and asked her again if she ate any. She shook her head "no" this time but I couldn't tell if she just thought she was in trouble or what. Everything else was a blur but basically what happened is me freaking out and yelling at my Mom to make her throw up, My Dad asking Bill how many days he had had the pills so he could figure out how many should be left in the bottle and my Mom checking Grace's mouth and pupils. The medication was for high blood pressure and it would take less than 30 minutes to fatally enter Grace's system. I am tearing up even as I type these words. To say the least I was an absolute frantic, hysterical Mommy. (I had to apologize to my Mom later for screaming at her to help my daughter... She forgave me.) Finally the pill count was done and two pills were missing... Just as my mom had Grace over the sink gagging, my Aunt hollered from her bedroom. She had found two slightly slobbery pills on the floor next to the night stand. PRAISE GOD!!!! We kept a very close eye on Grace just in case, but after two hours of delaying her nap, we all breathed a sigh of relief. I laid my baby girl down for a nap and checked on her no less than 15times to assure she was breathing.

I am looking back at the day, emotionally exhausted, but very thankful.

Thank you God, for keeping my baby safe. Thank you for allowing me to be her Mommy and for blessing me with this beautiful treasure. I don't ever want to take her for granted. I know that many, many people who love you Lord, have lost their children and I humbly thank you for protecting my baby girl. I pray that you will continue to protect her, that she will come to know you as her personal Savior at an early age, and that you will use her for your glory. Thank you for giving me the privilege of being her Mommy. I can not write words that express how thankful I am.

Back From Posting Vacation! =)

2008-06-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Alright, alright, already, here is your long awaited post! ;)

May you be richly blessed by my eloquent words of wisdom… LOL!!!!

We just got back from a week in Portland, visiting with my parents and sis. Lynda has not seen Grace for awhile so we kept our visit on the down low and did not tell anyone we were in town. That way we could spend lots and lots of time with Auntie Lynda and just go with the flow. ;) It was very nice! We celebrated Lynda’s birthday, my Mom’s birthday, as well as Father’s day with my Dad. And guess who got the most presents???? GRACE! She is very ~~spoiled~~ loved and doted on by my family! ;)

Lynda and I tried our hands at making homemade lollipops and it was really fun. The hot cinnamon was my favorite and Gracie really liked the cherry. (Especially when I gave her a HUGE wooden spoon covered with cherry lollipop.) Mmmmm! Mmmmmm! Boy was she a glorious sticky mess!

I am home for today and tomorrow and then off to Idaho for 14ish days. We will be going to the family reunion so my Mom ~~can show off Grace~~ see her side of the family. My Mom has 15 brothers and sisters and they all have kids that have kids, so it is a pretty big ta-do. My Mom is a little concerned that her siblings may be jealous that she has the cutest grand baby, but she is willing to risk it. ;)

I will try to keep up with everyone from my Dad’s laptop, but I am making no promises. Usually if there is any remote chance that the computer can be used, my Dad is using it. Some people just can’t seem to stay off the internet! SHEEESH! ;)

Well, I will try to see most of you this weekend either at Family Fitness, or Church tomorrow. Jamie you should come to Jill’s house tonight so I can hug ya! (You can be my date.) =)

~Gracie Hangin With The Boys~

2008-05-25T23:55:00.000-07:00

The Monster Energy Drinks are the boys'

Grace is only pretending to be cool!

Last week Nathan and Eli spent a couple days at my house and we had a BLAST! These wild and crazy guys are a lot of fun and have been such a blessing to me. For all their totally “boy behavior”, when they play with Grace they are both so gentle and loving and really take the time to get on her level and be her buddies. When I was making dinner the boys took Grace to play in her room and soon I could hear her squealing with delight at their antics. Grace does have them both wrapped around her finger! She loves to boss them and get them to do her bidding, probably because they respond so much quicker than Mommy… ;) Anywho, I wanted to post this because I am very thankful for both Nathan and Eli, but even more so, I wanted to say that they are the product of wonderful Godly parents.

Both the Taylors and Shelbys have instilled the love of Jesus in their children. They have been such an example to me and I can not say enough how much it has meant for me as a parent. I guess Pastor Stanley’s sermon got me thinking today about Godly parenting and the type of Mommy I want to be for Grace. He has given me such a great support system and for that I am thankful. I am also thankful that Grace has such wonderful men in her life to look up to. Thank you Todd and Ron, for filling this vital role in my little girl’s life. I see Jesus in you and I know Gracie does too. I see how amazing all of your kids are turning out and I am praying that with all your help and by the grace of God, Gracie will grow into a Godly young lady, such as Emily, Sarah and Emma!

Thank you, Nathan and Eli for making Gracie feel so special and loved, with your doting attention, and for making her laugh till she can hardly breathe! Grace and I both enjoy you immensely! ;)

One Year Ago Today...

2008-05-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

One year ago today my friend Stacey went to heaven. I have waited for this day with much apprehension, thinking that I would have a really hard time and wondering how I should spend the day. The day is almost over and I have come to realise many things. First, today does not feel any different than yesterday, there were no overwhelming emotions to mark this one year anniversary, which surprised me. I have spent much time reflecting, but it has not been a "bad" thing. I have grown so much over the past year and my life has changed in many, many ways. I don't really want to go into all of it, but I do want to say that I have peace. God has provided, and I am looking to the future with eager anticipation. I miss Stacey so much, but I can not quit living. Stacey will always play a very important part of my life, she has left her imprint on my heart and for that, I am forever grateful. There are only a few people that come into your life and have such a profound impact as Stacey has had on me.... I miss my beloved friend.

All the black and white pics were taken by Julee Brown, she is a wonderful photographer and a good friend. The picture of Stacey's husband Aaron and daughter Peyton was taken just a few weeks ago. It is a beautiful picture of Stacey's legacy...

~WAIT~

2008-05-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,The faith that I give when you walk without sight.The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.And though oft My answers seem terribly late,My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

I know most of you have already heard this poem, but it really spoke to me today and I wanted to share... I am not a very good waiter, and much of the time God is trying to teach me something and I am resisting. Anyway, even if you have heard the poem before, you may be like me, and need to hear the same thing a few times before you really "get it". ;)

~Lynda~

2008-05-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

My sister Lynda and I were just talking the other day about how we have NOTHING in common. We have very different beliefs, we pretty much can't stand the other's choice of music or movies, we drive different, like different activities, and I tend to be loud and bossy where she is more the quiet and supportive type.... Well our lists of differences could go on and on, but I just want to say, I love my sister so much and I am so thankful for her friendship. Lynda has been supportive of me and loving and a real encouragement. Even though she often drives me nuts because she is so different from me, I love her. I appreciate her faithfulness, loyalty and unconditional love more than I could ever say. I am so glad that I have her as a sister and a friend and I am so glad that my daughter has such a great Auntie. Lynda has loved my daughter since before she came home from Guatemala, almost as much as I do. She would do anything for my little girl and I love watching their relationship grow. So, for all the differences my sister and I have, we have a few things in common that will never change. We love each other through thick and thin, we will always be there for each other, and we have an Amazing Gracelyn JoAnn Wright! I guess we have a lot in common after all!

~No "Band-Aids" Please~

2008-05-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

There are some indisputable facts about God that every “Good Christian” knows. One of which is God will never leave us or forsake us, and another is that all things work together for good, for those that love Him. Deuteronomy 31:8, Romans 8:28. Then there is the promise that God will give us whatever we ask in His name, to bring glory to God. John 14:13

Here is where the struggle comes in for me… I can think of many examples but I will stick to two.

My friend Stacey, died of breast cancer. Literally hundreds of people were praying for over a year that God would heal her. Stacey was one of the most amazing, influential Christians I have ever known. She was a wonderful young wife and a phenomenal Mommy to her baby girl. If God had chosen to heal Stacey, there would have been so many people reached for His glory. God chose to take her, for reasons I will never know until I see Him face to face.

The second example is a lady I know that became a Christian at a very young age. For most of her grade school years, her father raped her on a regular basis. She remembers crying out to God to make her daddy stop. She believed with all her heart that God would help her, but the help never came for many years. By then, she was a shell of a person and felt completely worthless as a human being. As an adult she has turned from God because she has no reason to believe that He is real… Again, I do not understand and can not begin to comprehend…

I am not saying that I do not believe God and take Him at His word, because I do. What I am trying to say is that a simple pat answer “God will provide”, “God will protect”, “Trust God”, so on and so forth, is not the answer that the hurting Christian needs to hear. Sometimes there just aren’t any answers, and trying to slap a Bible verse on a gapping wound like some kind of all powerful Band-Aid, only makes things worse.

When Stacey died I was so angry with God and I was afraid to admit that to anyone. When I told Ruth Taylor how angry I was, she just hugged me and said that it was understandable. She told me to tell God how angry I was and work through the process of trusting Him again. I am still working through that process almost a full year later. Does that make me a weak Christian? Is God unable to use me for His Glory, because I have not completely let go of my anger and hurt? I don’t think so.

As for my friend who has turned her back on God, for not protecting an innocent little child that cried out to Him. I know that God can work it out and heal her heart. I know that God could use her in amazing ways, helping others and bringing Glory to his name. But I also know that it is easier to believe, when you are not the one in the middle of it.

So it is important for us to remember as Christians, before we throw out a “Band- Aid”. That God works with each of us individually, and He does not expect us to go through a traumatic event, or even a not so traumatic event, and be “Super Christians”. God says we “work out our salvation”. Philippians 2:12 Day by day a little bit stronger, day by day showing grace and mercy to fellow believers who are working out their own salvation, just like me.

Jamie Tagged Me! (No Running Involved)

2008-05-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

Jamie tagged me for a fun game. Here are the rules: (post these first)

(1) Each player answers questions about themselves.
(2) At the end of the post, tag 5 people by posting their names.
(3) Go to their site/blog and leave a comment telling them that they have been Tagged. Invite them to your site/blog so they can read the Tagged post.
(4) Let the person who tagged you know when you have completed your Tagged post.

Questions:

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was teaching kindergarten and Preschool at a private school and loving it!

2. What are 5 things on your "To Do" list?
1. Find a Job
2. Fold Laundry
3. Find a Job
4. Take Nathan and Eli out for pizza
5. Find a Job

3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. I can’t think of 5 I don’t enjoy…
2. Homemade popcorn with butter and salt
3. Applebee’s french-fries with lots’o ketchup
4. Cookie Dough (eaten right out of the bowl of course!)
5. Pretzels and Goop (Goop is a family recipe for the yummiest dip EVER!)

4. Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire.
If I had a million dollars I would:
· Adopt another child or two, or three…
· Buy a house
· Buy another house down the street for my sister (Well maybe a few blocks away, so we don’t drive each other nuts!)
· Have a maid
· Go on a cruise
· Help other’s that want to adopt…

5.Name some places where you have lived.
Idaho, California, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, Washington, Texas

6. Name some bad habits you have.
Well, hmmm, I eat more than I should, spend too much time sitting on my butt and sometimes I spend way too much time blogging! ;)

7. Name some jobs you have had.
Is this where I post my resume?

8. Name those whom you are tagging.
Lynda
Trisha
Wendi
Ginger
Lori

Back From Kah-nee-ta

2008-05-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

I went to Portland to spend time with family and friends and then my Mom, Sister, myself and of course Gracie spent two wonderful days in Kah-nee-ta. Kah-nee-ta is a warm spring resort that has a huge pool that is fed by the springs and there is a little spa there as well. There are lots of summer activities that you can do such as kayaking, hiking and horseback riding. We just hung out at the pool and had massages at the spa… Ahhh… It was wonderful! Grace loves the pool and relishes in the constant attention between the 3 of us swimming with her. My massage was absolutely amazing and I only wish it was two hours long instead of 45 minutes. Oh, and with our package deal we got $10 dollars in Casino money. My sister and I went to the Casino with our free coupons, while G-ma watched a movie with Grace. We won $115.00! WHOOO HOOO!

Kah-nee-ta is a place that Stacey and I would go to often. Sometimes we would go with other friends and even spent the night a few times but most often we would just go for the day. I have so many memories of Stace at Kah-nee-ta that it is a little hard to be there without her. I had lots of time to reflect on the last year, and as the one year anniversary of Stace going to Heaven is this month… I really miss her, but I am finally coming to a place where I can see how God has worked in my life over the past year… But that is for another post. So here is to Stacey and all of the fun memories and here is to being able to live again and making new memories! And here is to Stace again, swimming in The Crystal Sea, wearing her size 6 swimsuit… or maybe she’s NAKED! ;)

~Another Loooong Post~

2008-05-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend we had a "Ladies Retreat" at RBC called Wired That Way. The speakers were great and my small group was pretty much the best! ;) I have really struggled with my God given personality all my life. From the time I was very young and teachers wanted my parents to medicate me… to adult friendships where I was told that I was too hyper and not spiritually mature because I say pretty much everything that comes to my mind. This has been a great source of sadness for me, because I always feel that the inner core of who I am is not "good enough". I never quite measure up to other's expectations, while at the same time my personality type is naturally desperate for approval from others... Makes for a very confused and sad Carol... Anyway, it was like lifting a HUGE burden and feelings of inadequacy. I have had so many relationships where I felt like they were failing and it was all my fault, because I just couldn’t do it right. I talked too much, was a spotlight seeker, was too loud, needed attention and on and on. Anyway, during this seminar it was like God was speaking directly to me… God designed me the way I am and it is not a faulty design! Whew! The speaker did say that it is rare for someone to be completely one personality without another secondary one. Well guess what!?!? I am RARE! I had 87% of my personality test points in Popular Sanguine. This means, I was created to be talkative, impulsive, loud, and lots of other fun stuff! There are both strengths and weaknesses in every personality and each one requires lots of work to live in the strengths and not the weaknesses. I am actually looking forward to living in the strengths of my God given personality and working on the weaknesses. I am also excited to communicate love and friendship to my friends that have much different personalities than my own, because now I know a little better how to “speak their language” =)

For those of you who know me, you probably know that I have a very hard time sitting still and focusing for long periods of time… OK, anything over 20 minutes is about enough to push me over the edge! So needless to say, my mind and eyes wondered many times during the seminar. The great thing is that God knows me so well and He often seems to speak to me during these moments when I let my mind go in a million different directions… So while learning my personality stuff was really great, God actually spoke to my heart about something even more amazing… OK, I will try to type through these tears that just welled up in my eyes…

Renee Wells led worship and her daughters Amy and Emily both came home from college to help her. So there we were worshipping with these two young ladies playing the guitar and keyboard. My mind wonders, and I look back to see that their Dad, Scott, had snuck in the back to watch his daughters. The look of sheer joy and pride on his face immediately made my think of my own little daughter. I had an overwhelming sadness that Grace did not have a Daddy and may never experience her Daddy sneaking in to watch her do something, simply because he loved her so much and was proud of her… It was then that God spoke to my heart. “Remember what you wrote yesterday? Abba, means Daddy. I am her Daddy and I love watching her. I am proud of her. It is your job to make sure that she knows that.”

~Please Prayerfully Consider~

2008-05-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

I just got done reading the book Saving Levi. It is a remarkable storey and every page shows God’s divine intervention in this little boy’s life. I already knew most of the storey due to so many people telling me about the book before I read it, but I still could not put it down and read it cover to cover in one night. A very small part of the book was about Orly, who was an older child that was also adopted into the same family as Levi. She had 3 prior failed adoptions and was old enough to wait with eager anticipation, pinning her new family’s picture on the wall beside her bed, only to be devastated by yet another failed adoption. The impact this had on little Orly, really tore at my heart. I can not even begin to fathom her feelings of loss and rejection…

I have been thinking more and more about what my responsibility is, as a Christian, to “the least of these” What am I willing to do, what sacrifices am I willing to make? Ever since Beth brought home Kate, I have felt more than just a gentle tug to adopt again. It is totally insane, especially since I do not even have a job and I am already a single mom of one former orphan and I can’t even begin to imagine where more energy would come from for another child… I had always said that I would never be a single mom, and yet God had different plans for me. I now feel that familiar fire burning within me that led me to abandon my fairy tale dream life, that I had my heart so set on, and become a mommy through adoption. It is scary to even write it because it makes it more real. It is also scary because I know that there are so many “Nay Sayers” within my circle of friends. This leads me to something else I have been processing over and over in my mind…

I keep contemplating how to say this so as not to offend, but still get my point across. Then I rewrite and rewrite, but I have come to realize that sometimes you can’t water down the truth and sometimes you just might step on some toes that actually need to be stepped on… I know I have been offended by other Christians many times, only to find that they are right and I am the one who needed to hear Truth and have a heart change. So here it goes, as gently as I can without changing the message.

Why are so many Christians not involved in reaching out to orphans? Why when someone starts the adoption process, do so many Christians cluck their tongues and say things like: “What are they thinking, don’t they have enough kids?” “Don’t they know God planned for a Father AND a Mother?” “Are they crazy?” “They are just asking for more trouble, an older child comes with so many issues!” “They can’t even afford the kids they already have!” I could go on and on… My first reaction is to get angry because people just don’t get it. I have met so many adoptive families that have been hurt by fellow Christian’s comments and overall negativity towards adoption. It’s as if Christ’s command to take care of the orphans never existed or was not meant to cause an actual sacrifice on the part of the believer.

Did you know…

~Every 15 SECONDS, another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa
~Every DAY 5,760 more children become orphans
~Every YEAR 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone)
143,000,000 Orphans in the world today spend an average of 10 years in an orphanage or foster home
~Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…
~Every YEAR 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUT of the system
~Every DAY 38,493 children AGE OUT
~Every 2.2 SECONDS, another orphan child AGES OUT with no family to belong to and no place to call home

How can we not respond as believers, and do something to reach these children? When I went to Romania on a short term mission trip, we helped in 5 different orphanages. I could never express to you the horrendous living conditions of these children. We literally treat the animals in the pound far, far better than these little children were being treated. The “care takers” at the orphanage would allow men to pay them money and then they would lock all the children in so they could not escape and let the men have their way with the children. This is a reality that we can not shut our eyes to, as we go about our comfortable, merry lives.

If God has not called you to adopt, and please don’t just raise your hand and say, “That’s me!” Then there are other ways to get involved. I could list a whole bunch of ways you could be involved in carrying out Christ’s command to take care of the orphans but it would be pointless. Only when your heart is truly open to being used, will God be able to lay on your heart how He specifically wants you to be a part of this mission to reach His little children.

Obviously, I am very passionate about this. I hope that you will not just blow it off saying, “well that’s her thing and I have my thing and God gives us all different ministries… That would be like saying, “When God commanded us to go and make disciples for Christ, He was only talking to a select few.” We can not pick and choose which commands we will follow according to what suits us best.

Please, hear my heart on this. These children are hurting deeper than most of us could ever imagine. They are completely hopeless without our help. God has not asked us to do for them, what He has not already done for us. We were once hopeless, hurting and dying. God chose to show His love to us through adoption. Talk about making the ultimate sacrifice to love the unloveable!

Romans 8:15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. ("Abba", translates into "Daddy"... I love that!)

Ephesians 1:5Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

I am so thankful that God chose adoption, aren’t you?

I Love Sunday School!

2008-04-27T22:12:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I really look forward to Sunday School every week. Jean is a phenomenal teacher not only because she knows so much about God’s word but because she is humble and not afraid to be real. I always go away with new knowledge that God uses to challenge and grow me as a believer. This week was especially great as we learned about waiting on God and His perfect timing. Something that for me (a very impatient want it my way NOW kind of gal) really needed to hear. We are studying the life of Joseph and specifically this week about how Joseph had to wait on the Lord for many years as a slave or in jail. And to think I find myself complaining while I am waiting in my abundantly blessed life without ever having to worry where my next meal is coming from or if I will ever see the sun again… I must say that several very challenging things have happened in my life over the past few weeks and I have found myself impatiently accusing God of not listening or helping me in a time of need. I tried listing all the things I am thankful for like Jill talked about, and after our lesson in Sunday School I was really excited about “Waiting on The Lord”. Then right after church a couple of things happened that knocked my feet out from under me and I feel like I am in a full blown battle to trust God with the details of my life… Anyway, I could really use your prayers… I titled this post before I wrote it because I was just going to talk about how great my Sunday School class is, then I started opening up, being real and vulnerable… This blogging can be scary business!

~Youth Convention and my dear friend Jill~

2008-04-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

Youth Convention was great! It was fun getting to know our youth better, as well as attending the conference. It always amazes me how God can use an event like this to talk to each person where they are at, even the leaders! I will share more soon, but I am soooo exhausted and I am hoping I am able to take my shoes off before I fall asleep, but I wanted to post even in my state of weariness because Jill said she is tired of reading my "I'm tired" post. So I am still tired, even though it is for a much different reason, but for Jill I will put aside my own needs and give her something new to read. I wonder if this act of service will get me on her "thankful list" for today... ;) And maybe Jill will even forgive Grace for stepping on her French Pedicure before it dried and making her cute little toes look like trash. =(

Sometimes I get Tired...

2008-04-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have been learning a very valuable lesson lately and it has been hard to admit out loud... My daughter is not perfect. OK, so I have actually known this for quite sometime but it is still hard to say out loud. A very good friend of mine stated it like this: "They are just little bundles of SIN!" I had always heard it as JOY but I am afraid she is right... and lately, my God given task of guiding her and disciplining her has been nothing short of tiresome. I get so tired of trying to be consistent and (oops I almost wrote "doing it on my own" but I have so much support from friends and family, I can not truthfully say that) But some days I just feel like all I do is correct and discipline and I want to just have fun and praise my little girl for how amazing she is, then every time I turn around she is doing something that she very well knows is a "no, no!"

Once again, God uses my daughter to teach me a lesson. I wonder how many times God looks at me and says, "I wish I could just bless the socks off her and bring joy into her life, but she keeps doing exactly the opposite of what I have asked of her so the only thing I can fit into her day is discipline!"

The great thing is that God loves us even more than we love our own children, which in itself is hard for me to grasp…

My First Post

2008-04-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

OK I finally gave in to the peer pressure and arm twisting; I now have a blog... I am so weak. ;) I want to thank Emma Shelby for all of her hard work creating such a great blog for me!

For my first post I want to play along with Jamie’s game:

My 6 word memoir was going to be “Wrinkly... My Skin. Big… My Behind. But I did not want to offend too many people my very first post, so I guess my 6 word memoir will be: Grateful for the Blessing of Friends!

Alrighty now I will write 7 random facts about myself.

1. In kindergarten I won the Blue Ribbon for the hula hoop contest, even beating out all of the sixth graders! =) (Now… I can not even hula two full rotations!)

2. I have a mole on my stomach the shape of Mickey Mouse. Over the years, Mickey has gotten chubby cheeks! ;)

3. I love snorkeling!

4. I have over 60 first cousins. (Only 3 of which are on my Dad’s side)

5. I love BIG roller coasters!

6. I am wearing my flannel Christmas jammies right now. (I am really having a hard time thinking of what to write!)

7. I can touch my nose with my tongue. =P